Attending and Observation Skills: Complex Simplicity

"Without attention, nothing will happen."
-Ivey, Ivey and Zalaquett

This statement is true. And yet, heightened awareness and attention can seem like missing the forest because of the trees. Such seemingly simple tasks like listening, eye contact, body language...hold the power to move a client's mountains or at least, mole hills. But, everyone has done "it". I know I am the worst. What's the crime, you ask? Story Exchange... I love to talk. So, you tell me a story and I'll tell you mine. The book gives the prime example in the table on pages 59 and 60. Dear Jerome, I can relate.

Wounded and embarrassed thinking back to all those times I have "Jeromed", I began think back to successful counseling sessions. Rather than dwelling on my shortcomings, I mentally noted the attending skills that counselor exhibited that proved successful for me regardless of my willingness or unwillingness or any given day.

First, I will preface with a confession. At the advent of college, like most young adults, I experienced heightened anxiety. Between an unhealthy relationship, being in the wrong major, and an even worse job, I began having panic attacks. I began seeing a counselor, I will just call her Dr. B., for help in dealing with my self-esteem and anxiety. She was a life-saver! This class makes me appreciate her expertise even more, because I can reflect back and note the small but crucial methods she employed. Not only did she exhibit great attending skills but she taught me how to reciprocate.

1. Body Language: Dr. B made me aware that my face did not match my emotions. She pointed out that while I would be telling a very sad story, I did so with a smile on my face. I can only imagine how insincere the situation seemed. While the book mentions mirroring the client's body language, I know that I need to be aware of my personal tendency toward movement dissynchrony. For example, I would smile as a gesture of friendliness (after all it is how a Southern girl is taught) not matter the tone of the moment.

2. Vocal qualities: Dr. B always knew when to point out that I needed to slow down or when silence was necessary to open a pathway to open-ness. She would say, "I am hearing in your tone that you are phrenetic. Let's do a short breathing exercise to focus." And sometimes when I was particularly closed off and stressed, she would simply be silent and let me work through a guided meditation.

It is these little things that make for a memorable counseling experience, so complex and yet so simple. Attention so much is possible with attention.